This year has been a big year for me. In terms of success, I guess people would say it has been good. I completed my masters, I compiled a book that has been published and I'm pregnant. Over and over people keep saying "you must be so happy" or "you must be so proud". But at the end of the day, although I am happy about these accomplishments, they all seem meaningless. Why? Because they don't matter in the end. When I die, who cares if I completed my masters or not. Who cares if I compiled a book or not. I don't. Please don't get me wrong, I am thankful for these opportunities and thankful God has allowed me these opportunities and has used me in these times, they still mean nothing if I don't focus on God.
Today also seems meaningless. Not because of what I just wrote about, but because of another reason. I just read a story about a lady in her early 40s from Lesotho Africa who passed away. I don't know her, but I still had the opportunity to hear about her last days. Now that she has passed away, her 3 children are orphans. One child is older, in his 20s....but he is long out of the house. Next is the 12 year old daughter who will have to do her best to take care of her 7 year old sibling. And all the while she struggles to do so, we are concerned about money, stuff and what people think about us.
Nathan and I are in the end process of buying a house. I'm really excited to own a house, though the financial part of it scares me since I am not working right now....and likely won't be until baby is one or just before. This is a really nice house. I'm not saying it's a mansion or anything....it could use a ton of updates...but it is still very nice. I essentially am signing away my life financially for the next 25 years and am slave to the bank. I hate this. A 12 year old girl across the world has to play mom to her sibling and attempt to find food while I live in a big house and don't have to wonder where my food comes from. Today seems meaningless.
I know we can't all be missionaries and we all don't have a ton of money to send over to Lesotho or anywhere else in the world. I feel overwhelmed by the story I read because I feel useless. I don't have a lot of money to send, I don't feel called over there to help physically...and I feel powerless and ashamed. I know I can pray to God but it still doesn't feel like enough. Is this because I'm not giving enough credit to my God or because I am controlling and want to do something more than prayer? I don't know...maybe both.
All I know is that today I am healthy, I have food to eat, I have energy to do house chores, and I have clean running water. Heck my cat has cleaner water than 1/7th of the world. This makes me sad. Take time today to thank God for what you have....because we often forget. If your tap water doesn't taste the best,..thanks God anyway...because it is clean and keeping you alive. If you have to eat something that you don't like all that much, be thankful. If you have to do chores today and don't want to (or have to go to work and don't want to), be thankful. Some people are bed ridden and wish they could work or do house chores.
With a heavy heart, I say today is meaningless. All I can do is find hope in God...because there will always be poverty, suffering, orphans, sickness. We try and try and try to rid of it...but all we can do is think of life after death....otherwise we will be overwhelmed like I feel today.
8 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.
“Everything is meaningless! ”
“Everything is meaningless! ”
The Conclusion of the Matter
9 Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. 10 The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.
11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails —given by one shepherd. 12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.
Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
13 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.
