I listened to a great sermon tonight. The question it essentially asked is:
Are you pursuing God OR are you pursuing being good.
I think in many ways I'm just trying to be good. Perhaps I can do this ________ better. (This being whatever, nothing specific.) Or maybe if I spend an hour a day listening to a sermon, my life will be more joyful or I'll grow closer to God...or whatever.
I don't even know if I know how to pursue God. I suppose like a dating relationship, you spend time with them, you woo them, etc. But with God it's different because he actually already pursued us. But how do I turn my affections toward Him? How do I fall more in love with Him? I suppose one way is to read the Bible and find out God's heart. Because if I realize how loving God is and GET IT, then how could I not love him more? But how else? I don't know.
Tonight I decided to lay down and just be with God. I listened to 2 different songs and focused on Jesus' face. I know I don't know what he looks like, but I did it anyway. And I let him woo me. We danced. Not literally, but in the spirit. I pictured me and Jesus dancing and I focused as best as I could on his face.
Then I thought about how God loved me enough to die for me and to switch places with me. How could he love me this much? Then he asked me a simple question:
"If somebody came to you and said, I'll torture you for 10 hours or I'll torture your son for 10 hours. Which would you prefer?" OF COURSE I'D CHOOSE ME!! How could I ever choose my son?
Ding ding ding.
"How could I ever allow you to suffer when I love you so much" - God.
Then I thought about how evil I am. How could he do it with me being so evil? But the truth of the matter is that no matter how whiny or disobedient my son gets, I love him and would still choose me in the moment of torture.
God you are so good. What a loving Dad. Thanks for the revelation tonight God.
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