This past weekend I went to a prayer conference. On the first night I was there we had a time of worship before the speaker came on. As I was singing, I looked around me and noticed that almost everybody was super into the music. People's eyes were closed, their hands were raised, they were sometimes singing their own stuff, one lady blew a kiss up to Heaven and I was amazed at how how into it everybody was. It didn't seem like anybody was ashamed to be singing or ashamed to just praise God as they wanted. Watching everybody, I became jealous. Sometimes when I sing in church or other places where there is worship music, I feel awkward dancing. I may feel awkward raising my hands or doing whatever I feel in the moment. But I know this isn't because of other people...this is because of me. I fear what people will think of me. I know realistically it shouldn't matter...but I still care. At no point has anybody ever made me feel stupid for how I worship...but I still fear that somehow I will look or feel stupid.
So back to Friday evening. As I watched everybody worshiping around me with such freedom I was left jealous. Then God gave me a vision. In the vision everything was black and I could see Jesus standing in front of me. I looked down and my ankles were locked together and my wrists were locked together. I couldn't dance or lift my hands if I wanted to. I didn't like being locked up, so I asked Jesus to unlock me. He did...and then a few seconds later I was locked up again. This cycle happened a few times. Jesus would unlock me, I'd be free momentarily and then I'd be locked up again. I asked him why I was locked up again and then the vision panned out and I could see a bunch of people beside me also locked up. We were all locked up the same. Then it hit me....I'm locked up because everybody beside me is locked up and I was choosing to be locked up just like them. Jesus wasn't locking me up and neither were the people beside me. I was choosing to be locked up because everybody beside me was locked up. We could still worship God and be with him, but we weren't free to move around. Then I looked the other way and saw a bunch of people dancing and having a great time. They were having a party. I wanted to be like them, so I asked God to unlock me again. He did, but within a few seconds I was locked up again. II'm stuck like this until I choose not to be locked up. Until I choose not to care what the other locked up people think, I will be stuck like this because of my own fault.
So the question is.....are you locked up and worshiping God or are you free to party and worship God? If you're locked up...it's because of your own choice. The people in the vision were still worshiping God, but they weren't having nearly as much fun as the people who were free.
Interesting depth and vision. I think for me I dont feel like im locked up but im also not really in the mood for dancing. Sometimes i think everyone has their levels. My "hands up" would be singing and into the music.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I hope people know that I don't expect everybody to dance or raise hands or sit or kneel or stand. Everybody is different. Some may not feel moved to dance or to raise hands. I'm just saying for those who do feel moved to do it...do we? Thanks for sharing Ev!
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