WHOA what a night!
So I was thinking about my post from yesterday and how I felt like God was saying that pride and idols were getting in the way of my desire for Him. So I wrote out 2 lists today. The first list was all the areas in my life that I could think of and that God reminded of where I am prideful. The second list was all the areas in my life that are idols.
The pride list has 9 items on it and the idol list has 13 items on it. I wanted to go through each item on both list and confess my sin and then ask God for help in the area. Well I quickly noticed that I didn't want to confess. Either I didn't feel bad about the sin or I didn't want to let it go. So I prayed for awhile that God would bring my to a place where I can confess the sin and freely give it up.
It didn't seem to work at first. So I kept praying. Slowly I'd find an item I genuinely felt bad about and was able to confess. But I have to say, not every item on that list has been confessed yet. I'm not there yet.
BUT the super cool thing is that some items I wasn't ready to confess until God put it in a different light for me and then all of a sudden I felt like I could confess it.
So here are some of the things God revealed to me which led to me being able to confess some of my sins tonight:
-The only control I'm to have as a Christian is self-control. Other than that I shouldn't be controlling anything. Any time I try to control things I'm trying to be God. If I'm controlling my life then I'm not going to God for direction and to see what he wants.
-Comfort zones don't leave me relying on God.
-Both watching TV and wasting time on the internet help me to hold onto control of my life. I figure it's my life, so my time, so that means I get to do what I want. This can't exist with being a Christian because my time and my activities no longer belong to me. Nothing belongs to me. I have no rights.
-Pride means I'm not giving God credit where due and am therefore stealing from him.
Anyway, a lot of sins were confessed and God spoke to me so clearly. I am glad I got to write things down. I hope I get to the place where I can easily admit my sins and genuinely feel bad about them. But for now, some of them I grip onto tightly and need to let go. By God's grace I'll get there.
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