JUNE 28, 2014 - DAY 18 (The One)

Tonight I listened to a sermon found here: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNVINiUaCrA

The message was that ...well I don't know how to put it. Essentially Bill Johnson was challenging people to be faithful to God in the secret by themselves so that we can be faithful in public. Like David was able to kill a lion and a bear in the secret, he was able to kill Goliath in the public because he knew what God had done in the secret.

Do I burn for God so much that I get up in the middle of the night to pray when there is no emergency and nobody challenged me to get up at that time? Am I willing to give up anything for God? This is an ongoing theme that is going on in my life.

Bill tells of a time where for 8 months he asked God for an increase of God's presence in Bill's life. After 8 months God paralysed him (only for a few hours) and said to Bill that he'll give him more but it'll mean being embarrassed in front of his church and his city, was he willing. Bill said yes. He even thought by saying yes that he's be paralysed forever. He wasn't. But he was willing to give up all mobility (except neck movement) if it meant having more of God. That's dedication. 

I don't know if I'm there. I don't know if I could pray "WHATEVER it takes Lord, I want more of you." Because I can't imagine losing my husband or child to death. I can't imagine losing my health or mobility. And I'm not saying that if I say yes to God in saying I want more of you whatever it takes that means God will kill off my loved ones. But the question is presented to me often by God "Do you love me more than these?" (these being my family) and the reality is that I don't know. Not a great place to be in since Jesus says:

Luke 14:26-27 - “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.  And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."

Eesh. Not much else to say about that verse except I HAVE to get to a spot where I can say without a doubt - "Yes Lord I love you more than these."

Anyway, tonight was a good reminder of how amazing God is and how much I need to desire him. I can't live off of yesterday's bread, I need new bread today. I can't live off of other people's exciting lives with God, I need my own. So if I want it, I have got to go after it.