JUNE 29, 2014 - DAY 19 (Godly Living) & JUNE 30, 2014 - DAY 20 (Obligation & Duty)

To be honest I have no desire to write this blog. But I'll do it anyway because I'm learning to persevere. 

Yesterdays hour was spent early (6am) reviewing 2 Peter 1. I wanted to go over again of the fact that God has given us everything we need to live a godly life. I realized this is both encouraging (there's hope!) and discouraging...because I make so many mistakes. But I love that there is hope and we can get there. I'll repeat....

2 Peter 1: 3 - "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

2 Peter 1: 5-8 - "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;  and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I also went over the above verses. I didn't finish yet but I went through each virtue again and wanted to write down my thoughts on what I think each virtue meant. Since my mind is distracted right now and I'm thinking about today's hour, I'll save what I did yesterday more for tomorrow because I want to finish it tomorrow morning.

OKAY today....

So I took the first 45 minutes to listen to a sermon about Heaven invading earth and how God partners with us to do His work. It was a great reminder.Then I was talking with my husband about duty and obligation VS love. I feel like lately I do my hour out of duty VS. my love for God. And I do things with my husband out of duty instead of love. And I take my son to the park out of duty rather than love. And I hate that. I hate that the ones who I should love the most (God, husband, son), I do things begrudgingly because I feel like I have to. I want to be at a place where I want to. So Nathan and I prayed about it.

The whole conversation and realization on my part has left me sad. Who wants their spouse to do things out of duty as opposed to love? Not me. I'm sad because in some aspects I am that spouse. In some aspects I am that mom. In some aspects I am that follower of Christ. I feel sad because it shouldn't be that way and it only hurts those I love.

So tonight I go to bed sad. I am sad because I want to love more and not be so selfish. I don't want to be a duty/obligation person....I want to be a loving person. God help me.