So comes up the topic of religion VS. relationship again. It's OBVIOUS God is trying to teach me something. I know I still struggle with some religious areas but I didn't know how bad!
Today I listened to a sermon that was specifically on this topic....religion VS. relationship. One thing the pastor said REALLY caught my attention. I don't know word for word, but he basically said:
"Religion obeys to be accepted. Relationship means you are accepted and therefore obey."
Okay this is truth. I don't think I have to be good enough for God. At least not on a whole. Sometimes I still struggle with this mentality of being frustrated that I messed up again and again and again. But overall I know I'm saved by grace. Relationship.
So why was I struggling and feeling convicted today? Because I still obey God out of duty and not love. I know I should be telling my neighbours about Jesus but I barely am. When I do, it's likely more out of duty than love for Jesus.
I realized that if I TRULY understood what God did for me and if I was truly thankful, I'd live a completely different life. I wouldn't be ashamed of the gospel with strangers. I'd be telling EVERYBODY the good news. Because why wouldn't I? But of course, since I'm not overflowing with thankfulness and because I don't truly grasp what God has done for me...I keep quiet. I don't share and when I do it's because I feel like I should and not because of love for God or for the people.
So what's the solution? Well I can't force myself to be thankful or 'to get it'. I can't force myself to love God more or people more. So all I can really do is get on my knees and ask God to change my heart. To help me understand why he's truly done for me. To help me be thankful. To help me love him and others. Only he can change me. So I ask. And I keep on asking until he answers me. Because it feels like he HAS to answer me. Hopefully in the way I desire...which I think it what he desires anyway. It is to my understanding that he wants me to love him and others and to be thankful for what he's done and to be overjoyed. So that is what I'll keep praying for. I hope to see some tangible changes in my spiritual life in this area as time goes on.
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