I have found this pregnancy to be so exhausting. I am SO tired all the time. People kept telling me it is because I am chasing a toddler all day but that didn't feel right. How can I be THIS tired just from chasing around a kid all day? Thankfully the midwives took y blood and found out I have a thyroid problem. One of the symptoms is exhaustion. This explains it. Being pregnant is normally semi-tiring. Chasing a toddler is semi-tiring....but this thyroid thing on top of everything else and I am exhausted. Honestly I can't sleep enough and yet sometimes I can't sleep.
When I am super tired, I am emotionally, mentally and even spiritually exhausted. I can look at a small chore that needs to be done in my house and cry. It might only take 5 minutes but it is still the BIGGEST chore in the world at that moment. Or my son may be slightly cranky and I can't handle it so I cry.
I'm SO thankful my husband is only working part time right now. How great is God that he knows I need the help around our house and with my son. Of course Nathan helps whenever he is home anyway...but now that he is home more, I can get more breaks. No money lost from less work is worth having no help right now. My husband is the best.
Today I realized I have never felt so weak in my life. I can't be the wife or mom or housekeeper I desire. And although I often put unrealistic expectations on myself....I can't even be the simplest version of those things at this point in my life. I can't give very much and what I do give leaves me so exhausted in every way.
I realize since I have nothing to give....I am weak before the Lord too. I can't do anything these days. I have nothing to offer. I genuinely feel useless on days like today. I think it'd good to be weak before the Lord and I wish I got there by humbleness but I didn't. I got here without a choice and in a way by God's grace. Often my physical limitations with being so exhausted has left me crying out to God for help to even make it through the day(s) but sometimes it drives me to have self-pity.
These verses came to mind today:
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10 - Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I still don't know how this plays out practically in my life. I don't know how God's strength comes upon me while I am weak. But I'll have to trust his strength IS coming upon me because that is what his word says. I know God's grace is sufficient and he has told me this many times since becoming a mother. But now that I am forced to be weak....I don't feel strong. But maybe in days ahead I will look back and see how God carried me through and how his strength was on me.
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