JULY 19, 2014 - DAY 39 (feeble worship)

Today started out pretty bad. I was awake for an hour from 5-6am and was very tired when I had to get up for the day. I found myself snippy with my husband, feeling insulted and taking things personally when he didn't even say anything insulting and feeling impatient and frustrated with my son.

Exhaustion sucks. At least yesterday was a good day! So today started out pretty bad. I feel like world's worst wife and mom. Why do I have to let everything bother me?? Thankfully my son is young and seems to forget things quickly....or is much more forgiving than I know. I'm also very blessed with a supportive husband who doesn't take things personally when I get snippy.

So nap time came...and I napped and it was good. Sleep helps a lot....but I still wake up exhausted many times. When I woke up I knew I needed to do my God hour but had nothing much to give. So I stayed in my bed and put on worship music and rested. I apologized to God (again!!) for my attitude and actions and asked for help (again!!). I also asked for help to worship him. I want to be the person who worships no matter what is going on in life. NO MATTER WHAT. 

Habakuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

This is my desire. So I worshipped. It may not look like it does all the time but I worshipped in tears. I worshipped with what little strength I had. I was able to put myself in a worship posture for a small amount of a song and then went back to a laying down position. There was no dancing. I barely raised my hands. But I was able to say that God is good despite my situation. I don't know how people who are truly going through tough situations do it. By God's mercy. I realize my situation is NOTHING compared to what some people go through...but for me this is tough. Very tough. My exhaustion is affecting every area of my life and I feel like my life is a major battle ground spiritually right now. The devil gets the upper hand sometimes when I give in and get frustrated or snippy. But then I turn to God and throw myself at his feet for mercy and God gets the upper hand. Thank God that in the end God wins the war.