I spent yesterday and today with my friend. She is somebody I look up to a lot spiritually. She struggles a lot for sure but is so real and is learning a lot. She gives so much to God. She is a part of a group of Christians that all live together in the same apartment building. Many of her friends are what I would call 'super spiritual' and definitely people I can look up to. One of the qualities many of these people have is their prayer life. Their prayer life is vibrant and they spend hours a day in prayer. HOURS. How do they have time for this??
Anyway, for my hour tonight I decided I would try praying for the hour for others. But how do I do it passionately without it being boring or mundane? I decided to pray for my husband and 2 kids because I am passionate about them. If there are 3 people I could pray for an hour...it must be them! So I took each one and prayed for about 20 minutes for each. IT WAS SO HARD! Obviously I am not a prayer warrior...YET! I think it'll have to be a discipline that I learn. It's hard work right now. I don't always know what to pray. I felt like I was repeating the same things over and over. I felt like I was grasping at what to pray specifically as there was no 'specific' need right now. So my prayers felt general even though I was trying to make them specific to each person. But boy did I struggle. Praying is much harder than I though. I do pray every day and for specific people but to pray long and hard for one person is VERY hard for me.
The time of day I started my hour was also far too late. The only time I really had was in the evening and I couldn't start until almost 8. Well with being pregnant and having a thyroid issue...and hour is VERY long at this hour. I definitely dosed off a few times....oops. Laying on my bed was not a good idea. But it was very comfortable.
My thyroid problem is leaving me feeling like I don't have enough time in the day. My possible free times in the day include: before anybody wakes up, during my son's nap time and in the evening. Since my body is so exhausted these days, I sleep as long as I can in the morning. I also choose to nap when my son naps. It is a good idea for me to do this. So evening hits, we put our son to bed and assuming he falls asleep on time...I can start my time around 7pm. By the time it is over and I blog I don't feel like I have anything left to give my husband. This is all very sad to me and I need to figure out a way to balance it all. How do I spend quality time with God and my husband? I have quality time with my son because I am with him all day. Yes I'm around my husband a lot throughout the day and with God too of course, but the time doesn't feel quality because I'm still focused on raising my son.
And so I leave my blog once again saying "God help me."
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